You may have noticed we don't ever use the birthmother or birthfather's name on our blog. We want to protect their privacy until our adoption becomes more open. Right now it's considered a semi-open adoption; the birthmother calls us by calling the agency, she sets up the face-to-face visits thru the agency, too, and we've also emailed each-other. I'm positive our adoption will become more open as we get to know each other better. We already think the world of this birthmother; she is truly a miracle worker.
You probably also noticed that we haven't really mentioned the birthfather. At some point during the pregnancy he decided to leave the picture. Our caseworker told us that they talked about adoption before that. Within the last week or so, the birthfather started calling the birthmother. Yesterday the agency arranged to meet him at 3:30 and have him sign reliquishment papers (consenting to the adoption...in Utah the birthfather can sign in advance and the birthmother has to wait until 24 hours after the baby is born).
We were nervous all day!!! To make things worse, there was some problem with our phone we didn't know about and our caseworker didn't reach us until 10:30 last night.
She told us the birthfather did sign.
You'd think we could get some sleep after this news, but no...we're worried about him because of some things he said to the caseworker who was there. His mother and step-father were also there, but I don't know how they feel about the adoption. We do know that they will all be at the hospital next week. Which means I'll probably feel like throwing up all day Tuesday. It was hard enough to meet the birthmother and we know she loves us. We definitely cannot say the same about the birthfather and his family.
There is nothing we can do now except pray; and hope God can grant peace to the birthfamilies.
Fortunately we are taking the birthmother out to dinner one more time tonight. Our caseworker told us she really needs us right now. We couldn't agree more.
Adoption is never easy.
Sorry about the drama.. Im glad everything is working out tho!
ReplyDeleteHey, I just tried calling your house, but your number says its disconnected.. So I thought Id try your blog.. Im working at the conference center for the Christmas Concert, and I got 2 tickets for Saturday night...and wanted to know if you guys wanted them! I know your schedule is busy and I completely understand if you cant go- just thought Id offer... and see if you wanted a little night out before your lives change forever (for the better, of course :)). Anyway.. I wont have my phone on today so just comment on our blog as to whether you want them or not.. Alright. Good luck with everything guys! Our prayers are with you!
Hey Jessica!
ReplyDeleteI'm so excited for you both! What a great early Christmas gift he will bring to your family. We wish you all the very best!!
Just from a caseworkers perspective he and his parents are probably supportive of adoption if he was willining to sign relinquishment papers before he even met you. I know that it doesn't help you to not feel nervous but it is a very positve sign. Wishing you the best of luck this tuesday.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Kimberly it is a very postive thing a huge load should be lifted with that ! that was some of our biggest problems in our adoptions!! That beind said it is all such a roller coster but you are in our prayers and we'll keep praying for your christmas miracle!! Good luck with everything!!!
ReplyDeleteI am sure that the heart of this birthfather will soften when he meets you! You will be wonderful parents! I am sorry this has been such an emotionally difficult time for you. We are so excited for your family. ...And for the arrival of this sweet baby boy on Tuesday.
ReplyDeleteRon & Jessica, I stumbled across your blog a few months ago (I think I actually left a comment back in the summer, I will go check) and I just found you again and read your wonderful news. CONGRATULATIONS and what a very merry Christmas you will have. As the others above have said, it is really a great thing that the birthfather has signed. Our son's birthfather was constantly present and constantly an issue (although he never actually wanted the baby, go figure) and he would never sign the papers. The court had to terminate his rights for him - it cost us extra time and extra money and was nothing but a big pain in the butt for us and our son's birthmother. It is a blessing indeed to have yours on board. Don't you worry a minute about meeting him and his family. I will be keeping all of you all in my thoughts and in prayer next Tues.
ReplyDeleteAll that said, I would like to add one forward-looking thought: my husband and I were completely blind-sided by how difficult parenting our son would be. He was a colicky baby, and even though my husband and I had both cared for TONS of nieces, nephews, etc - nothing prepared us for those first three months of parenthood. If I were you, I would start girding my loins now, just in case your son ends up being one of the "less easy" infants. :> I am sure you are doing this already, but just in case not:
- buy and read "What to Expect the First Year"
- surround yourself with an army of other new parents (preferably people who have 1-year-olds or 2-year-olds, and/or people who have several young kids - I have found they are MUCH better resources than grandparents who may be many years distant from the whole newborn thing)
- consider joining a bulletin board group (like babycenter.com's birth clubs). If you join the Dec 2008 group, you will have a few dozen moms who have kids exactly your son's age, who are going through the same thing at the same moment - and you can always post a question at 3 am that someone else will have answered by 5!
- I don't know at all how you will take this, but have you considered attempting breastfeeding? It is totally possible and it may end up to be not so hard for you and a wonderful thing for your son. I never even thought about it, and happily bottle-fed my son (who ended up being allergic to cow's milk and would have done MUCH better with nursing). But then I got pregnant and nursing was super-easy for me, and my OB was like "you totally should have nursed your son, it probably would have not been that big a deal." Anyway, if you are at all interested, take a look at:
http://www.fourfriends.com/abrw/
- Finally, however you end up feeding your baby, you should check out kellymom.com, which has a lot of nursing info but A LOT of other useful articles as well. For some reason, they were particularly helpful to me with my first child.
Sorry to run on so long! I hope this helps and is not just creepy too-much-advice-from-total-stranger. :> All the best to you - Angela
I have been thinking about you all week. I agree with the others that it is a great sign that he has already signed. We will be praying for you and thinking of you all day on Tues. Please let us all know ASAP how everything goes!!!!
ReplyDeleteBeen thinking about you guys! Praying that all goes well for you on Tuesday!
ReplyDeleteWow, I am so excited for you guys and having walked though these same doors 6 weeks ago, I can still feel that anxiety.
ReplyDeleteWe met Charlee's birthfather and his parents at the hospital during the delivery and it was a highly emotional time, and we totally felt like the third wheel. Things were said from the birth fathers family side, like are you sure you are making the right decision, and how can you really do this. It scared Karst and I to death, but we just sat there smiling pretending not to freak out, even though I wanted to break their arms. Once the emotions settled we found some time to talk to them one on one so they could see who we really were and we let them know that we were serious about having open communication and not closing the door. And that made all the difference for them. Honestly we just followed the spirit, and when you are there and emotions are high, just follow the promptings and you will have the comfort and guidance you need.
One of the greatest things Colby the birth father did was when the nurses were measuring and testing the baby, he told her that we were going to be Charlee's parents and we needed to be in the room. It tore him to pieces and we couldn't stop crying but hearing the words from him, is something we will always treasure. She was born in Wyoming and so Colby had to relinquish his rights in order for the placement to happen. What ever it took to get him there to sign the papers, I will never know but will forever be grateful. We have kept in contact with the birth father and his family and as time goes things are getting better.
I wish the same for you, and once that baby is in your home and you are feeding him at 3 am and your heart is so full that the tears don't seem to stop, you will barely remember the negative parts. You are all in our prayers and we wish you the BEST!!
You are ALL in my prayers today!
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