I think the popular concept of God's Will is overrated.
For example: "You'll get the baby God wants you to have."
or
"It was God's will that he die."
or
"It was God's will that I marry Jessica."
Don't get me wrong. I love my wife and I am absolutely devoted to her. I am not ashamed to admit that she totally owns me.
I just think Saturday's Warrior is full of crap. I don't believe that Jessica and I promised each other in the pre-existence that we would find each other and marry each other.
I think that in the church, the concept of God's Will has morphed in to an analog of the romantic notion of FATE.
What's wrong with this you may wonder?
A big part of the reason we came to earth is so that we could be tested to see if we would be obedient to all of our Father's commandments. This test would not be valid if we did not have the freedom to choose wether or not to obey.
This creates a problem with the 3 statements I started with. If it is God's will for me to be the father of a certain baby, what happens if that baby's mom CHOOSES another family? Or chooses to parent?
If it was God's will for me to marry Jessica, what would have happened if I CHOSE to marry someone else? What if she CHOSE to marry someone else. What if I didn't CHOOSE to move to Utah when I did? Are we free to choose or not? If it was God's will, then at some point he might have had to override my agency in order to make it come to pass. Boyd K. Packer said, "Do not suppose that God causes that which for his own purposes he permits."
I believe that in the example of Jessica and me, I could have married someone else. We could have been very happy together. I believe that any two people can have a great and eternal marriage. The key is for both people to work toward that goal.
I for one am so grateful that I chose Jessica. I'm even more grateful that she CHOSE me. (What was SHE thinking?) Were we "meant" to be together? Probably not. Was it God's will that I marry her? I'm sure he was happy I married up, but I don't think marrying somebody else would have totally frustrated his plan for me. Is she perfect for me? Oh Heck Yeah!!!!!
I think what I've learned about God's will, Is that it's not something that happens to us. It's something we have to DO.
"I think that in the church, the concept of God's Will has morphed in to an analog of the romantic notion of FATE."
ReplyDeleteI don't think that that is the thinking of the 'church'. It is definitely portrayed in Saturday's Warrior's, but that is not a movie made or endorsed by the church.
Other than that, I totally get what you're saying. Restricting agency was Satan's plan. I don't believe in fate, but I do believe in preordination. (I'm not saying we are predestined to marry our spouses. Oh no). There are things we were sent down here to do. It's just up to us whether or not we choose to do them.
I think in all of the instances you have mentioned here you have to realize that it all really does come down to free agency. Whether those choices seem right to one and wrong to another does not mean that God's will was met or unmet. We are not all in tune with the spirit 100% of the time. If we were we woulnd't have that agency.
ReplyDeleteAs far as adoption goes, I know that all of those things are so hard to think about especially while you are waiting. They are hard to hear and even harder to believe until that miracle comes into your life. I know you will feel so differently when it happens. I can't wait to read your post then!
Good catch Kathryn,
ReplyDeleteI did mean the church as a culture, not the church as a church.
Excellent post! I think God does a lot less meddling with our affairs than we like to think he does. I heard an excellent analogy a few years back. Life is like a soccer games and God is like the coach. He can shout directions from the side lines, but he can't get on the field and rearrange the players, move the ball or anything like that.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure of many feelings better than knowing that you are empowered to decide your own destiny. God trusts us enough to let us do this, the problem is when we don't trust ourselves.
I do agree with what Leisha said that it comes down to agency.
ReplyDeleteBack before we got Gideon it was really tough because I knew, absolutely KNEW that Heavenly Father wanted us to have this child. But the birth mother still had her agency, so she chould have chosen to single parent, or something else.
At any rate, you're right that we can't just sit around and wait for things to happen to us. there is a lot that we have to DO. But once we've done all we can, we still have to trust that the Lord knows what he's doing and it's in His hands.
Oh and I forgot to add that I'm very big on the idea that "Soulmates" are crap. I don't think that the Lord would design only one perfect person for each other person out there. He loves us too much to set us up for failure like that.
ReplyDeleteI do believe however that there are people who are simply wrong for each other and should never get married. Still it's a choice, like you said. And if we choose carefully and wisely and engage the Lord in our relationships, we'll all be happy.
I've met people who believe in the whole "Saturday's Warrior" fated love thing.
ReplyDeleteIt's just silly. I have horrified many a person by saying the same things you just said.
I do, however, believe that based on the choices you make (who you marry, where you live, the commandments you keep, etc.) that the Lord has choice blessings just for you.
Example: I was engaged once before I met my husband. I felt so strongly that my then fiancee's struggles with inactivity might ruin our future. I got a strong prompting to leave, but I didn't WANT to (but I did.)
To make a long story short, I followed what I call spiritual promptings until I found my current husband. I do think that based on the life we'd both lived up to that point that we were the right people for each other at that time.
My ex-fiancee and his wife cannot have children either. They are still child-less. His inactivity did cause problems. No temple marriage, no adopting through LDSFS, etc. (they can't afford to adopt privately)
I can also see in retrospect how the Lord used the choices others were making (the birthmom who changed her mind on us, for example) to soften our hearts toward leading us to the child we were supposed to get.
This is getting long, and I'm not sure I'm making sense.
I don't think the Lord MAKES us choose certain things, but based on our RIGHT CHOICES we are blessed wtih what he desires for us!
Thanks for your insight Leisha. My Jessica and I were discussing last night how my theory may have had a couple of holes in it but I think you plugged them quite nicely.
ReplyDeleteI guess it's kind of like a patriarchal blessing. The LORD does have certain blessings he wants us to enjoy but we must choose to follow the path that leads us to them.
Yeah I was actually engaged once before too. My ex-fiance is the opposite of Leisha's though. Super active in the church. Has since married and had 3 kids. Currently he's Elder's Quorom President.
ReplyDeleteHe was the one who knew it wasn't right between us though and broke things off. I was devastated. But then I went on my mission and everything worked out. We've been able to remain friends.
I realize now that the Lord just had a different plan for me. I could have married Chad and we would have had a happy marriage. But I look at the relationship I have with Travis and I realize that I'm sooooo much happier with him. It would have taken more effort to be this happy with Chad, even though he's a great guy, we were just different in some ways. Ways that would have been workable, but nonetheless, I'm glad that we (well at the time he) was able to follow the promptings even though it broke both our hearts. Because really, the Lord had bigger and better things in store for both of us.
If we just trust Him, He won't lead us astray.