I'm a control freak.
There.
I
Said
it.
I
Said
it.
BUT...
I feel like we've been hanging out at alligators and boiling acid for the past six years...
I feel like we've been hanging out at alligators and boiling acid for the past six years...
I can't do anything about that.
I can work on my attitude though.
Participating in FSA helps.
Reading my Patriarchal blessing helps.
Praying constantly helps.
Having a wonderful husband helps.
Reading my scriptures helps.
Hoping we'll be parents soon helps.
Having friends who have adopted helps.
Blogging helps. Yay blogging!
Even so,
I don't think I'll ever like alligators.
Alligators are mean.
And ugly.
And stinky.
And it really hurts when they bite...
Waiting is pure hell. Agony. Even if you aren't a control-freak (I am...) I think the loss of control in a situation like this is maddening.
ReplyDeleteThe only happy news I can tell you is that once your child arrives, you totally forget all the pain that came before!
It's a long hard wait (filled with alligators and boiling acid) but just keep picturing THAT day and all the joy it entails and it will arrive...IT WILL!!!!
Oh Jessica!! I am so with you! I'm glad we are all in this together to share the joy and the pain . . . and the waiting. :P Yay for blogging! :)
ReplyDelete*hugs*
Jessica I am sorry you are having a hard time. I don't think ANYONE can understand unless you are going through it or understand! Waiting, hoping finding just really SUCKS!!
ReplyDeleteI agree with miss Kamie we are all in this together to help one another when we get down and frustrated with wanting to become something that it seems like EVERYONE else around us has!!
Yes Alligators are stinky!!!
Who invited those stinky alligators, anyway?
ReplyDeleteYou dear sweetheart.
Yes the waiting SUCKS!!!!!!!!!! It sucks even more when you're a control freak. When you do everything you can do and then just have sit still and wait. There's a reason I volunteer and stayed so involved, I HAD to do something or I'd go crazy.
ReplyDeleteStill, I get it. I totally get it. Things that seemed like no big deal at one time, suddenly cause major meltdowns because your situation is out of your hands. (Like turning 30 childless. Do you know how rare that is for women of our faith? Or having a younger sister who gives birth to her 6th child before you even have one.)
Still when I hold Gideon close it was worth it. I don't think the pain goes away necessarily. But it makes me love him so much more because the pain of everything that came before him is still so fresh.
Oh and for me personally I always felt like we were pretty good at alligator wrestling. It was the vat of ammonia soaked marshmallows that we got caught in repeatedly.
You're in our prayers.
I think you have THE best attitude ever. I'm afraid of alligators, but more afraid of the hanging spiders. Love your honesty here. Love that you are sharing, and love that FSA helps. Cause it helps me too, and I am so thankful for it. Don't know where I would be without it!
ReplyDeleteHang in there, and remember that sharing your thoughts and feelings is helping so many others, so thanks!!!
ReplyDeleteAlso keep in mind that this heartache will only increase the amount of joy you will feel when you finally do become parents.
You are wonderful for sharing your story both through FSA and through blogging!
God bless!
The waiting is so hard. I do like your attitude though. You guys stay strong!
ReplyDelete