Adoption Journal Part III

"Our Lives are Changing, Finally!"

December 2007 rolls around. We feel sad because we haven’t found our baby and it’s been a year. It seemed like so much longer than a year. We really tried not to be depressed, but we were. We continued praying for birthmothers. Adoption is on our minds constantly. January 30, 2008, I write in my journal: “We’re still hoping our baby comes soon. We have the baby room ready – names read – money ready – jobs ready – time off ready – our lives couldn’t be more ready than they are right now. It’s almost disturbing.”
I start inquiring at multiple adoption agencies. I realize how many agencies exist. I receive packet after packet in the mail. None of the agencies jump out at me, but I continue praying for help. Summer comes along and a few friends suggest two similar adoption agencies to us. We decide to send our adoption homestudy to one of them; A Guardian Angel. I also call the agency a couple of different times and request to be called back. A few days and then a few weeks go by and we don’t hear anything. We figure if they can’t even call us back then we probably don’t want to work with them. We find another adoption agency in Texas and decide we should apply there. We pay $50 to apply and receive a HUGE binder in the mail. The agency seems excellent and we like that the adoption fee is income based. September 24, 2008, we have our phone interview with the Texas agency. I’m still not 100% sure about it so I pray about it again that night and it suddenly doesn’t feel right anymore. We talk about it and decide we should give A Guardian Angel another chance. We begin filling out the application from AGA’s website and finish making a new adoption profile. We borrow a digital scrapbooking program from our friend and ask our wonderful blogging friends to vote for their favorite pages. Finally by mid October we mail everything to the agency. One week later we get a phone call from the agency. They have a birthmother in Utah and they’d like to show her our profile! They ask if it’s ok with us – and we say, “Yes!” The next day (Tuesday) the agency calls again…they’ve shown our profile and the birthmother wants to talk to us. The agency tells us she will be talking to another family, too, but they ask if they can conference her in with us right then. Nervous and a little panic-stricken, we say, “Sure”! She asked us a few questions and we talk a little bit about some things we have in common. We felt the conversation went well and afterward the caseworker told us they’d let us know when she decides which family to choose. Wednesday came and went with no call. Thursday, again, no call from the agency. Ron called me three times from work on Thursday and I was about ready to strangle him for getting my hopes up for “the call” each time. Friday the agency finally calls Ron on his cell phone. The caseworker says, “She chose the other family. I guess this isn’t your baby.” We were hurt and the hopeless feelings return. We wondered how she could have chosen the other family when it felt like things were finally going to work out for us. We decide to go to Lagoon on Saturday to take our minds off everything. It worked a little. We were getting used to disappointment. After 22 months of looking for our baby, we learned how to distract ourselves from the pain as much as possible.
Monday we go back to work and try to be normal again. Tuesday I get another call from our adoption caseworker. She asks how we’re doing after last week, but I can tell that wasn’t why she was calling. I tell her we’re fine. Then she asks if we still want to adopt…and if we still want to adopt Felicia’s baby. Yes! She tells me Felicia had a hard time choosing a family last week. She had felt equally good about our family and the other one. After the other family said yes initially they decided they didn’t want to have once a year visits with Felicia. Our caseworker asked me again if we were both fine with once a year visits with the birthmother and I assure her we wouldn’t back-out. She then tells us they had a first dinner meeting scheduled with the other family for that night and would we like to go instead? I said, “Sure!” Then I called Ron to tell him the BEST NEWS EVER and he was so shocked and excited. I’m sure we didn’t get much work done after that. We were both so nervous about meeting the person who would bring our baby into this world. What do you say to her? Ron picked up some flowers for Felicia and her mom on the way home and we also got her a little gift from Bed, Bath and Beyond. We met at Texas Roadhouse in Southtowne and had a really nice dinner. She showed us a picture of her with the birthfather at a dance. She also showed us the ultra sound. It was surreal! Could this really be happening?! Could we really be adopting our baby in less than two months?