A Salute to Birthmothers from guest blogger Jessica

To finish up Adoption Awareness Month here are a couple of placement stories and further down what you should NEVER say to birthparents.

COMMENTS FROM A BIRTHMOTHER:

"That day she was asleep when I told her goodbye. And that was also the day I had to sign the adoption papers. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I had to remind myself that I was doing this for her, but I cried for days afterward.

I had told my social worker that if my child wasn't adopted by my next birthday, I would take her back. But 10 days before my birthday, she was placed in a home. I took that as God's sign that I had made the right choice. Six months later I received pictures and a 10-page typed letter from the adoptive parents, who agreed to send pictures of her every year.

When people see a picture of my daughter, I get different reactions when I tell them I put her up for adoption. Most want to know more about the adoption process, and I gladly share what I know. But some try to condemn me for my decision, saying I ran away from the problem. According to them, I'm cruel and don't deserve ever to have another child.

But I made my choice. It was the one that I thought would be best for my baby and for me."

(Christa Jones, June 1995 Essence)

A BIRTHMOTHER'S STORY:

"Diane, a woman in her late twenties, learned she was pregnant even though she had used birth control. Because she decided against abortion, her co-workers assumed she'd become a single mom. But Diane assured them that adoption was her plan.

They didn't believe her. Diane was nice, smart, and had a great job! Of course she would raise the baby. Her co-workers threw a surprise baby shower and gave her many beautiful gifts for the child. They meant well, but they broke her heart. Diane went through with her adoption plan and gave the gifts to the adoptive parents."

THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY TO BIRTHPARENTS BECAUSE IT'S OFFENSIVE:

• * How can you do that? That's your own flesh and blood!
• * Why didn't you (or the pregnant woman) get an abortion?
• * I could never give my baby to strangers!
• * What if you can't ever have another child?
• * Are you doing it for money? Selling your baby? That's disgusting!
• * Why don't you at least try raising it? You could always have the kid adopted later.
• * Why? Don't you care at all about your baby?
• * You made your bed, now you should lie in it.

(Christine Adamec, "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Adoption 2nd Edition")

The truth of the matter is birthparents LOVE their babies. There are many reasons they choose an adoption plan for their baby. Many adoptive homes provide a loving father and mother, as well as financial and emotional security. This choice is not the easy way out. When it comes to adoption, birthmothers are the real heroes.