If you've wondered why we haven't posted as much since we became parents to more than one kid...here's a reason...
I don't think I completely understood what the term "wits end" meant until ZJ became a toddler. He was such a happy baby and everything was fine until just after he turned one.
Even though I was raised by parents who don't believe in going to the doctor unless you're practically dying, when ZJ started whining and crying all the time - I took him to his pediatrician to find out what was wrong with him! When the doctor said he's perfectly fine, I was thinking, "Great, now what?"
I tried time-out with him for a while after he turned 18 months, but it wasn't as successful as I hoped. Then we adopted Lexi and ZJ's behavior took a serious turn down-hill. He was always spoiled and the center of attention and sharing was not part of his vocabulary! Us leaving him for 11 days and coming back with a baby wasn't good for him either.
I don't think I completely understood what the term "wits end" meant until ZJ became a toddler. He was such a happy baby and everything was fine until just after he turned one.
Even though I was raised by parents who don't believe in going to the doctor unless you're practically dying, when ZJ started whining and crying all the time - I took him to his pediatrician to find out what was wrong with him! When the doctor said he's perfectly fine, I was thinking, "Great, now what?"
I tried time-out with him for a while after he turned 18 months, but it wasn't as successful as I hoped. Then we adopted Lexi and ZJ's behavior took a serious turn down-hill. He was always spoiled and the center of attention and sharing was not part of his vocabulary! Us leaving him for 11 days and coming back with a baby wasn't good for him either.
It was one of the HARDEST years of my life. I didn't know what to do to reign him in. I scoured the internet and read posts about sibling rivalry and "difficult" or "spirited" children. I read "Love and Logic" and "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" and other books too.
NOTHING helped.
Absolutely nothing.
I didn't know if we were going to survive all the tantrums, fits, yelling, screaming and the minute-to-minute battle of wills between ZJ and me and ZJ and daddy. I felt so horrible knowing how badly I prayed for and wanted this child and then I didn't know how to help him...how could a child loved so much act so terrible? The guilt was bad too.
Eventually I found this book:
I seriously want to recommend it to every parent!!! This book, plus having ZJ go to preschool two days per week, has changed our lives!
Yes, ZJ is still difficult. We still have our moments of power struggles, but when I use the key points of the book - it works.
He still wearies me with his constant uncooperative nature, but at least now I have the tools to work with him. This book put us back on the road to my sanity - not sane yet, but at least on our way!!!
Now what will I do with him this summer since Thursday is his last day of preschool until August???
Why do Summer Camp's have to cost SOOO much money?!!!
Now what will I do with him this summer since Thursday is his last day of preschool until August???
Why do Summer Camp's have to cost SOOO much money?!!!
I'm thinking this book will be in my near future. :) Thanks for the recommendation.
ReplyDeleteThis totally sounds like Mac. I call him my "not go with the flow kid" He is quite difficult on so many levels. There is little to no cooperation from him and it is very trying. I will most definitely have to look into that book, I started reading one about spirited children and liked it but not enough to finish it.
ReplyDeleteBrenley
I'm not sure if you remember me, but I met you at This is the Place Heritage Park. I'm Karen Atwood's daughter. She gave me the link to your blog. I hope you don't mind :) I have enjoyed reading your adoption stories. They are very inspiring. When I was 16 years old I placed my son for adoption to an amazing, wonderful family. Adoption is very close to my heart. Thanks again for sharing your story! :)
ReplyDeleteOh my daughter is so much like ZJ in this regard- SOOOOO strong willed and constantly demanding. It's just mentally and physically exhausting. I remember thinking age two was hard but honestly the three and fours have been just as bad, even worse in our case. She will go into complete RAGES if she doesn't get her way, even minutes after waking up in the morning which is when most kids are typically at their happiest. Over the simplest things too. I feel like I've tried everything under the sun. It's so hard knowing what to do because she's almost 50lbs now and I honestly can barely physically control her when she goes into these modes just to put her in timeout in her room. Preschool is a LIFESAVER for us too.
ReplyDeleteI will have to check out that book.
Kam - Fo-sho!
ReplyDeleteBrenley - I'm not saying the book isn't hard to get thru at times; it is written by a psychologist afterall, but it's worth finishing to get the advice.
Karen's daughter - It's fate!!! Sorry I've forgotten your first name - I'll stop by your blog :)
Tamara - I think maybe it's a first child thing or maybe a spoiled first child thing :) I hope we can all use the ideas in this book to the fullest so we won't have spoiled/controlling teenagers!!!